[she nods at that - it is what it is. doesn't make it easy - nothing really does that. it's harder when she thinks back on how many things she would have (should have) done differently.]

About the same, maybe a little younger, but not by much.

I was already doing it with my sister, I had to, and then, well---

---once you're already looking out for people, and realizing they look up to you, they're all looking at you? You don't just ...stop, or look the other way ...or turn it off.

[at least, she didn't. couldn't. but sometimes - not often - but sometimes - she'd wished to. she'd hated it and stuffed it down so far she'd thought she could escape it until along came stillwater.]

Then I got a surprise vacation from that, because nobody's a leader in prison, just another number. Did I tell you I was locked up for a long time? Anyway, I doubt they made any jokes about me. [would silco have? probably. but in that doublespeak-y way he'd messaged her.] His people, maybe. I was a cautionary tale, or a ghost story.

People make fun of you for that? They must be real dicks.