( neatly folded up and pushed into a plain envelope, sealed with a piece of tan masking tape--and placed in their 'place', though just to be sure, he's written palamedes name across the front so that if it gets lost, maybe it can be returned. )
To Palamedes -
Sitting down to try this out, now. How are you? You can't answer that, this is a letter. The thingsYou are I'm going to write out what's on my mind, or try to.
Is forgiveness something you have to ask for, in order to receive it? I've been wondering about this lately.
I've done some terrible things for the sake of my family. I had never had a direction, really: only to protect my brothers, and shield them from any of the nastiness of the world. With or without curses, with or without necromancy, the world can be an ugly place. It is an ugly place. Humans suffer and sorcerers suffer and I am sure necromancers and cavaliers suffer, too. There is cruelty and hate. When I was incarnated, I thought the easiest thing for all of us would be to live as curses. I followed directions and instructions from someone who promised a world for curses, and my brothers would live easier like that, I thought.
Obviously, it was wrong. I was wrong. It doesn't feel right to write these things out, to admit to sins on paper without telling you properly, so we'll talk about it someday, I hope.
There is a great sorcerer here from my world, and he hates me. He has reason to hate me. But will he ever understand my reasoning? Will he ever listen to me? Maybe I haven't earned it, somehow. I don't know how these things work. But to hear people close to you say what you did or what you forced him to do like they won't listen to me... maybe it's meant to hurt. Penance? I don't know the word.
I miss you. It may not be right, to miss you, after saying all these things about myself. But you have a patience with me that I feel like I don't deserve, but want to have anyway. I want to look at all the spines of the books around your bed and read the first few pages, have you teach me all the thousands of ways to say 'good' and 'happy', learn all the things about where you come from, and hear more about Camilla, and I want to feel your breath on mine when
That got inappropriate. For a letter. I'm sorry.
We have moved into a new house. I'll include the address below. I'm learning to grow things, in the hopes that I can help with the farming efforts that are taking place. Do you like flowers? I'd like to grow some for you. It feels gentlemanly, and I like it when you smile. But if you would smile having dirt root vegetables or sweet fruits, tell me that, too.
Please take care of yourself, and any injuries remaining.
Until we meet again,
Choso 脹相
( he does also include the address for his new house, as well as a small, sketched picture of strawberries--maybe that's what he's hoping to grow first, or just the first thing he thought of. )
[Even months into living in this place, real paper is a luxury Palamedes still goes a little crazy over - which is to say, he's bought a nonzero amount of nice stationery just to have it; it's this nice stationery that he writes Choso back on, thick cream-colored paper with wildly indulgent matching envelopes, and a gold sticker meant to emulate an actual wax seal. (He couldn't afford the seal.)
He's written Choso's name on the envelope and, in his very best efforts, copied over the Japanese characters as well, to remember them better. They're in a stiff and unpracticed hand, of course, but readable.]
Dear Choso,
Hi! I was delighted to get your letter, so you can consider that my answer to how I'm doing, anyway. Whenever you read this, just imagine I'll know and I'll be delighted all over again.
I'm not sure if you want an answer to your question, but you know me and you know I'm going to answer it anyway: forgiveness is a tricky thing. It's the same as letting someone care for you, in the most basic sense of not having any control over it. You can ask, and some people might appreciate that, but it doesn't guarantee a particular result, you know? You told me about the suffering you and your family were put through, and if I were you, honestly? I would never forgive the whole human race.
(This is the part where Camilla would call me extreme, but I would forgive her for that, ha.)
So, I don't know. Not really. We've all wronged people in our lives and none of them have to give us an ounce of grace ever again. It doesn't hurt to plead your case. Whatever you've done, though, you'll have grace from me. You can tell me anything and I'll be in your corner, so don't worry about that.
[Here he has drawn an arrow from the end of that paragraph up to the parenthetical about being extreme, for emphasis.]
It doesn't sit right with me when people don't listen, though. At best, it's unfair to not to at least try to meet a person in the middle. God knows I've given plenty of opportunities to people I couldn't stand, just in case. Just don't let anyone push you around out there, alright? And let me know if you need anything, even just a shoulder.
As for your other points... I'm moving into a new house too, soon, so I'll have to send you the address. Allegedly they're painting it fresh inside? I'm choosing to believe they're not just clearing out the neighborhood before the squid nautilus (<- I learned what these are! bizarre animal) person moves in. We'll see.
I miss you, too. I think about you a lot, things I want to tell you, things I'd like us to do together. I've been setting some books aside that I think you might like. No matter what else you've been through, I think you're lovely. You're kind and you're determined, you've been good to me. You can trust that I will only ever give you what I know you deserve. And I absolutely mean to be inappropriate about that, for the record. Appropriate, too; I'll talk to you for hours if you'll have me.
I want you to be happy, and selfishly, I want you to be happy with me. Just remember, anytime.
Yours,
Palamedes
P.S. I do like flowers. I'd like anything you grew for me. If I recall, you said something about oranges when we first met, are you growing any of those?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
💌 letter 001.
To Palamedes -
Sitting down to try this out, now. How are you? You can't answer that, this is a letter.
The thingsYou areI'm going to write out what's on my mind, or try to.Is forgiveness something you have to ask for, in order to receive it? I've been wondering about this lately.
I've done some terrible things for the sake of my family. I had never had a direction, really: only to protect my brothers, and shield them from any of the nastiness of the world. With or without curses, with or without necromancy, the world can be an ugly place. It is an ugly place. Humans suffer and sorcerers suffer and I am sure necromancers and cavaliers suffer, too. There is cruelty and hate. When I was incarnated, I thought the easiest thing for all of us would be to live as curses. I followed directions and instructions from someone who promised a world for curses, and my brothers would live easier like that, I thought.
Obviously, it was wrong. I was wrong. It doesn't feel right to write these things out, to admit to sins on paper without telling you properly, so we'll talk about it someday, I hope.
There is a great sorcerer here from my world, and he hates me. He has reason to hate me. But will he ever understand my reasoning? Will he ever listen to me? Maybe I haven't earned it, somehow. I don't know how these things work. But to hear people close to you say what you did or what you forced him to do like they won't listen to me... maybe it's meant to hurt. Penance? I don't know the word.
I miss you. It may not be right, to miss you, after saying all these things about myself. But you have a patience with me that I feel like I don't deserve, but want to have anyway. I want to look at all the spines of the books around your bed and read the first few pages, have you teach me all the thousands of ways to say 'good' and 'happy', learn all the things about where you come from, and hear more about Camilla, and
I want to feel your breath on mine whenThat got inappropriate. For a letter. I'm sorry.
We have moved into a new house. I'll include the address below. I'm learning to grow things, in the hopes that I can help with the farming efforts that are taking place. Do you like flowers? I'd like to grow some for you. It feels gentlemanly, and I like it when you smile. But if you would smile having
dirtroot vegetables or sweet fruits, tell me that, too.Please take care of yourself, and any injuries remaining.
Until we meet again,
Choso
脹相
( he does also include the address for his new house, as well as a small, sketched picture of strawberries--maybe that's what he's hoping to grow first, or just the first thing he thought of. )
returned the next day
He's written Choso's name on the envelope and, in his very best efforts, copied over the Japanese characters as well, to remember them better. They're in a stiff and unpracticed hand, of course, but readable.]
Dear Choso,
Hi! I was delighted to get your letter, so you can consider that my answer to how I'm doing, anyway. Whenever you read this, just imagine I'll know and I'll be delighted all over again.
I'm not sure if you want an answer to your question, but you know me and you know I'm going to answer it anyway: forgiveness is a tricky thing. It's the same as letting someone care for you, in the most basic sense of not having any control over it. You can ask, and some people might appreciate that, but it doesn't guarantee a particular result, you know? You told me about the suffering you and your family were put through, and if I were you, honestly? I would never forgive the whole human race.
(This is the part where Camilla would call me extreme, but I would forgive her for that, ha.)
So, I don't know. Not really. We've all wronged people in our lives and none of them have to give us an ounce of grace ever again. It doesn't hurt to plead your case. Whatever you've done, though, you'll have grace from me. You can tell me anything and I'll be in your corner, so don't worry about that.
[Here he has drawn an arrow from the end of that paragraph up to the parenthetical about being extreme, for emphasis.]
It doesn't sit right with me when people don't listen, though. At best, it's unfair to not to at least try to meet a person in the middle. God knows I've given plenty of opportunities to people I couldn't stand, just in case. Just don't let anyone push you around out there, alright? And let me know if you need anything, even just a shoulder.
As for your other points... I'm moving into a new house too, soon, so I'll have to send you the address. Allegedly they're painting it fresh inside? I'm choosing to believe they're not just clearing out the neighborhood before the
squidnautilus (<- I learned what these are! bizarre animal) person moves in. We'll see.I miss you, too. I think about you a lot, things I want to tell you, things I'd like us to do together. I've been setting some books aside that I think you might like. No matter what else you've been through, I think you're lovely. You're kind and you're determined, you've been good to me. You can trust that I will only ever give you what I know you deserve. And I absolutely mean to be inappropriate about that, for the record. Appropriate, too; I'll talk to you for hours if you'll have me.
I want you to be happy, and selfishly, I want you to be happy with me. Just remember, anytime.
Yours,
Palamedes
P.S. I do like flowers. I'd like anything you grew for me. If I recall, you said something about oranges when we first met, are you growing any of those?